The feeling is TERRIBLE...

Posted by Straw_berry (508 days ago)

People out there, tell me how I can get over it...

We knew each other via a dating website, got together... a very nice boyfriend until lately, he told he doesn't know what he wants now...

Reason: He sees his old self in me & his ex-girlfriend in him now...

He told he used to care for his ex-girlfriend much until she got irritated and asked for a break-up. Now he sees this happening between us. He said I have been too nice that he can't appreciate.

I asked if he wants a break-up, he just said he doesn't know and he doesn't wish to hurt me... Now I am falling in love with him and he is reacting like this... yet he doesn't give me a "closure"...

THE FEELING IS SO TERRIBLE... What I should do???
HELP!!!

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by csun009 (508 days ago)

Try to get yourself occupied with something else for the moment, such as a good book. Give both yourself and him some time to think things over.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by marigold (508 days ago)

What this guy is saying sounds a bit disingenuous. He sounds like he might be a nice guy who doesn't have the guts to speak his mind on whatever it is that is bothering him (possibly to spare you anguish or maybe he just doesn't want to go there...). The reason that he gave doesn't sound very convincing.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by SesameStreet (508 days ago)

Straw Berry
I suppose he is trying to keep both relationships alive and available for him.
My question why did his ex get irritated with in the 1st place....bear in mind she initiated the break off NOT him. It shows he has not gotten over it and there was no closure...which bring it you ...r u a filler in void space...if he cant commit for a relationship ...think again

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by lulu (508 days ago)

what i can say is: you are not the only one around,do not try to break the code of your boyfriend and analyse anything, it doesnt help the situation.

Move on and you will feel better soon.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Ed (508 days ago)

James20 is banned. See the rules:

http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/forums/rules.asp

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by chris79 (508 days ago)

Well it does remind me of the excruciating love my ex-gf had for me, in the end I couldn't go anywhere or do anything without her and I would feel guilty for every little detail I said or did that was not up to her standard. It damn feels uncomfortable.
My suggestion is to take some distance for a while and see how he reacts, maybe by taking some perspective on your relationship he will find how valuable you are or maybe you will see how much you are overreacting.

Good luck

(I am based in Beijing)

Posted by butterfly_d (506 days ago)

relationship from web dating is dangours, you don't know about that person's history, family etc. therefore,anything you know about this person is by he or her words. Maybe this guy is a relationship player,he got want he wants, after that give out various reason to get rid of. I can understand your feeling, give out your heart and don't know how to take it back... it is no use to insist since he alread speak out, if you really want to have something to do, see whether you can find his x-gf number, have a talk with her to understand him more...

(I am based in Macau)

Posted by Straw_berry (506 days ago)

Hi all,

Thanks for your responses / advices...

While they all make sense to me, I find it difficult to get over him... He called last night (after my several SMS and a missed call from me) to say he is not giving an answer to if we should put behind us the relationship because he wants to be sure and not act on impulse...

Can I say he is being selfish or...? It's so vexing having to deal with such a wishy-washy guy yet I can't bear to let go...

Really troubled... :(

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by the_poor_man (506 days ago)

He's deliberately avoiding giving you an answer -- although he knows what it is -- because he's trying to avoid the final confrontation and your possible reaction. He's a coward.

Don't feel bad. I'm 100% positive you can pick yourself up and find another great guy, and this time one who will be a bit more honest and a bit more dependable.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Straw_berry (506 days ago)

Hi [the poor man],

You are perhaps right... I am trying to tell myself the same thing... it is really not easy yet you have to force yourself to do it...

Sigh!

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by cute_sense (506 days ago)

Dear Straw Berry :-)
I know what you're going through. You must control yourself not to sms or call him anymore -- which seen impossible to do but you could do it. He's feeling the pressure from you plus he also confused with his own thoughts and emotion. I did what you did in the past with my ex bfriend and in the end we break up. Be strong, girl. Go out with your friends or make new ones.
Cheer up, girl :-)

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by minimini (505 days ago)

Throw him to rubbish bin ! He definitely is not a guy that you can look up to as he cannot commit anything in his life. Think of this, what would be the future of another 10 years if you still with him, or even at your wish, you married him ? Do you think he can commit to you anything? What he said now is simply excuse to get rid of you (pardon if i said this) or his ex, or his ex ex ex.... although you are very nice girl ! If he can' appreciate you now, he cant appreciate his own life, and what would he appreicate the future of both of you. So, instead of let him get rid of you, get rid of him first. You can say loudly "Hey, it is me to break up with you now !" Go on with your life !

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Peter KC (505 days ago)

minimini : what u said is agreed to a large extent, but it would be very naive to say : instead of let him get rid of you, get rid of him first. You can say loudly "Hey, it is me to break up with you now !" Go on with your life !

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Straw_berry (505 days ago)

Dear cute_sense,

Your reply brought warmth to me... I know I must control myself from texting / calling him but as you would have understood... it's really hard...

Hopefully, time will help to erase all these as I move on from here...

Regards,

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by wolfbaby (500 days ago)

Time flies, people move, like river's flew, it never ends...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by freshjive (500 days ago)

Dear Straw berry,

My boyfriend did the same thing to me and said the same thing to me. He said that he needed some time to make up his mind so as to be sure.

I found out that he is still sorta seeing his ex.

You are not alone. For all you know, its the same guy we are complaining about.

(I am based in Bali)

Posted by Straw_berry (500 days ago)

Hi freshjive & cute_sense...

Since we are all based in Singapore, why not a meet-up?

Regards,

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by cute_sense (499 days ago)

Yes :-) sure. You can contact me at kristatulip@yahoo.com

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by freshjive (493 days ago)

Of course..It is a good start, Straw_berry. We need to move on.

I will PM you. ;)

(I am based in Bali)

Posted by freshjive (493 days ago)

Have just PM you. Will wait for your reply.

(I am based in Bali)

Posted by Royster Doyster (493 days ago)

In my view, if a guy speaks like that he wants out. Sorry.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by lazy_cat (493 days ago)

Dear Straw_berry,

Don't waste the pretty... carry on. You deserve far much better. Sometimes it pays to be more selfish to love ourselves more ;)

Good luck on your quest.

(I am based in Hong Kong)