Need Advice-should she stay or go

Posted by 09876 (227 days ago)

What should a woman do... when her husband has no interest in her sexually?? The only time they had sex is when he wanted kids and tried to get her pregnant. After two kids he has not touched her. And she is above average looking gal.....could the guy be gay.....and it is a marriage of convenience...The obvious answer is she should leave him....but there are two little kids involved. What are your thoughts????? Need good advice to help this woman.......Thanks

(I am based in Bangkok)

Posted by jwm (227 days ago)

What changed, did you have an active sexual relationship prior to being married? Have you asked HIM why sex with you has diminished? What was HIS reply to that question??

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zonked (227 days ago)

Well.... that's a million dollar question : leave the marriage or not, that too for lack of sex?

As many have written here in many different posts -- it is not just for sex that you stay in the marriage.

Personally -- I did leave.

Even if kids a are involved. Leaving does not mean the father absolves himself of all responsibility towards the kids. If you're unhappy, or just putting up a happy face for the world, then leave. But leave wisely. Plan everything for your kids. Let it be very clear to the dad that he has to take care of them -- physically, emotionally and financially.

Sex definitely is a major part of marriage, and if you cannot have a fulfilling life without it, it is one of the major reasons to change the situation.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by 09876 (227 days ago)

I will clarify few things.....he has never been interested in her sexually...even prior to marriage....but somehow she hoped things would change. He doesn't like to talk about his lack of interest in her sexually.....and his reply usually is that he doesn't need sex as much as other guys and there is more to a relationship than sex. That is why i think he may be gay....he might be getting a bit on the side..

(I am based in Bangkok)

Posted by jwm (226 days ago)

Why are you talking about "her" in the third person?? Are you speaking about a friend?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by 09876 (226 days ago)

yes it is a close friend....I am trying her to help her.....

(I am based in Bangkok)

Posted by Robbie2007 (226 days ago)

She should be persistent and stick with him and not go through such a bad and shameful act of a divorce.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by 09876 (225 days ago)

Thanks for your comments.....personally I don't agree with your comments Robbie2007. I don't think she should suffer in silence. Life is short and she should make the most of it. She lacks inner strength to move on....I pray she finds her strength soooooon. Thankyou

(I am based in Bangkok)

Posted by Ha Larius (224 days ago)

seeing how the union was one of a specific purpose, i.e. to procreate, with the job done it seems its time to move on

however, the original union involved 2 persons while the current dilemna involves 4

the main difference between you an hubby is one of morality

he is comfortable with the situation because he's likely getting some nooky on the side and, more importantly, is able to live with himself afterwards (hell, he's probably enjoying it too)

you, on the other hand, have not evolved (or devolved) to such a state devoid of morality, hence your dilemna

on the one hand you need nooky, on the other hand you cannot see yourself getting any while still married, hence your obvious solution is to stay or to go

there are alternatives between these 2 extreme solutions but you'd first have to lower yourself to being that of a man

(I am based in Hong Kong)