How to gain closure and move on in life

Posted by eck (431 days ago)

20 months ago, my 7.5 year relationship ended in very bad circumstances. I packed and left whilst he was at work, and refused any contact.

After a few more months I left Hong Kong and spent time overseas in a couple of different countries trying to heal. There were times where I spent weeks closed up in a room refusing to leave. Eventually I started going back to work again, same company but different country.

Now so many months later, I have still been unable to move on. A few times I felt that things were improving, but I would lapse back into a state of depression again. I have tried counselling and therapy with different people, and now have helped. I tried a few types of anti-depressants, and these make me so sleepy I am unable to get through the day and have had to return home from work I have been that sleepy. I can barely talk to people anymore, I just can’t get through a conversation. I take sleeping pills and anti-anxiety pills on the weekends and try and sleep through it. The longer I am awake and thinking the more I think about self-harm.

I know that people go through bad break-ups all the time. But for some reason I cannot seem to cope. I have no-one to turn to as I have shut most people out of my life. How do I get the closure I need and to move on.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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Posted by georgie10 (431 days ago)

Eck, check your PM...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (431 days ago)

I'm glad you've posted here Eck. It shows you want help, and you want to live. Hang on to that thought. You do want to be happy, and I can tell you that you can be happy and even joyful once again. I do understand what has happened to you, and know how terrible you feel.

First, let me assure you that the worst has passed. Try to let yourself accept that fact. You don't need to endure any more pain from that quarter (your ex) of your life again. You can, and will regenerate your life.

In crisis, these are the things to do: Take care of everything that remains in your life. In this case it is - you, your job and perhaps some past friends who care about you. You need emotional support to do this. I recommend you contact this organistion immediately.
http://www.soultalk.org/soultalk/main/content.asp?id=122〈=E

When you have some emotional support, you can value yourself more. Eat, walk and read, and relax. Keep regular patterns at all costs until you can sleep without medications. That will take some time.

Focus on yourself and your body in a loving way. Instead of wishing to absorb all the blame onto yourself and turn against and hurt yourself, tell yourself you are not to blame for these set of circumstances. That you have a right to live and be happy. You are an incredibly strong person, so when you turn that energy against yourself, you are fighting the strongest enemy you can have... Get your enemy - you - to love you again. Think back to a time in your life when you were positive and confident in yourself and connect again with the person who was once you. Remember what you used to do to give yourself pleasure and encouragement, and slowly go back to those things. Plan weekends to take walks on the beaches here, have lunch up at the Peak... do stuff... Keep active. Celebrate your survival... each day and always.

The most important thing to remember is you have been overwhelmed, but you are recovering now... You are struggling back to life. You will get there like so many of us before you. You have a purpose in life, and you can regain a connection with yourself, others and the world.

(I am based in Hong Kong)