My ex is pissing me off

Posted by Lynn_in_Beijing (420 days ago)

I broke up with him recently, but it's been long enough for the dust (and the hurt) to just beginning to settle.

Then one day, I was at work, he talked to me on MSN. He told me that the girl he cheated on me with sends me an apology through him...

Somehow that did NOT make me feel better at all. In fact, my tranquility has been shattered. I'm hurt and angry and jealoused all over again.

All these emotions are over the fact that he talked about it with the girl he cheated on me with and the fact that he is insensitive enough to resurrect the old nightmare for me.

I'm a really proud girl, it's so hard for me to think that she must be out there laughing at the fact that she hurt me (I never let her knew she hurt me badly, too proud).

Now that she knows, and I feel ashamed, bare naked and really really hurt.

(I am based in Beijing)

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Posted by flashback (420 days ago)

Your feelings are normal. Don't respond to these people. Delete and block their contact details. Move on. Taking control of the situation so you will not be put in the role of a victim again will ease those feelings for you.

You are the winner. The cheaters deserve each other. That 'apology' was no apology at all. You know what they are now, and you also know what you are - as they do - a fine young woman. Hold your head up. Embrace your life without these people in it.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by georgie10 (420 days ago)

Lynn, dont know what his motivation was in telling you (or hers for that matter). Is this the same dude that cheated with the anorexic? They deserve each other! Block contact as the previous xpat suggested and NO COMMUNICATION. If he still feels the need to contact you then there is something still there for him. If he cant get a hold of you then, it will drive him nuts. Of course you feel hurt and exposed but DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED. They should be - and him particularly for his treatment of you. Perhaps they broke up and she genuinely feels sorry for you (seems odd for someone still involved to send an apology....)and found out too what a dill he is. What a loser. Girl, get out there. You sound really normal and nice.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Justin Credible (419 days ago)

What are you doing still keeping him on your MSN? You need to learn to let go. Just delete or block, dont hang on the morbid hope he will contact you and tell you how miserable he has been since you two split. Its hardly like he would enhance your life through further contact, I mean, do you need more proof than your last comminication? An ex is an ex for a reason. I dont get why people stay friends with ex's who did them over, I mean, what is the point of that? To be remembered as a nice guy/girl???

Not worth the stress if you ask me.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by HK1 (419 days ago)

so Lynn, it's simple to fix, don't talk with him and delete him from your contacts. I assume you are still feeling empty which is why you speak with him, but don't get sucked into that trap

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by DakLak (419 days ago)

Post his name and address along with a balanced description of what he did.

Then Google, and all the other search engines, will happen by and his infamy will live forever!

(I am based in Vietnam)

Posted by marieantoinette (418 days ago)

He's trying to stir up a reaction from you by saying that. Maybe he feels you've moved on too fast and his old ego is dented. Just the fact that he still contacts you makes him sound like one of those "drama kings", as in he wants to leave a trail of pain behind him wherever he goes...he doesn't care if exes think badly of him - just don't ever forget him! Which of course, is exactly what you should do...good luck, with no reaction, he might up the ante....

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Justin Credible (418 days ago)

There are a lot of drama addicts out there, dont be one of them.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by flashback (418 days ago)

Yes... as JC says... don't feed any of this behaviour by doing as someone else has suggested (i.e. posting defamatory information about someone). The best defence is non-engagement.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by DakLak (417 days ago)

Flashback, if your comment "posting defamatory information about someone" referred to my earlier post, re-read it.

If someone is behaving badly the 'victim' is allowed to take appropriate action - like contacting his e-mail providers abuse@ line.

(I am based in Vietnam)

Posted by souffleQueen (416 days ago)

Try fighting by not fighting back. Silence can be the best repartee.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by flashback (416 days ago)

Yes.. DakLak, one ought to stop abuse by contacting the email providers. I thought you were saying something about making a public declaration about someone, which I think could look like sour grapes, and may end up causing one a lot more trouble explaining than is really necessary.

I agree with souffleQueen that best not to engage at all with this kind of person.

(I am based in Hong Kong)