Women making the 1st move...

Posted by May_AM (584 days ago)

Ladies & gentlemen, post your views / opinions. :-)

(I am based in Singapore)

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Posted by 788 (584 days ago)

It certainly works and more women should do so. May be there might be less angst.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by naimakiddo (584 days ago)

Sounds normal, although others seems not to appreciate it.

Personally, I prefer not to give everything in one shot, just give him a picture on what he can have and let him approach it.

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by flashback (584 days ago)

It works only when you can sense a strong interest on both sides, and then it has to be very subtle.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by JFK888 (584 days ago)

I was approached once by a lady who didn't look for any commitment and hopes. The feeling to us was so nice amazingly and made our relationship was developed quickly, strange? Yes, unbelievable but it does work to us at the moment.

That's rather an effective if gal takes initiative without any requests and expectation...

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by My Hong Kong (584 days ago)

For a relationship to start off...then get going...then grow and constantly evolve...both sides must make moves all the time. But to you question, generally speaking, it doesn't matter who's making the first move, however there are several scenarios from a female point of view:

1. Online dating site
It doesn't matter who writes to whom first, but if you are a regular looking female, and not miss world, your chances are higher when the male initiates the contact. It normally means that you look good in his eyes and that's a good place to start a relationship.

2. Bar/club scene or a gym or anything that is not behind a computer
Have an eye contact first and a smile. Once that's been established, the person who has more guts should make the first move. So, if the person of your interest is not doing the first move...then you should do it. You don’t want to miss an opportunity because of shyness or fear.

3. Just got a date or you are in initial stages of dating
If you are on a date and you wonder who should make the first physical move...well, it depends on the vibe! Most guys are quite upfront when they are interested in a woman. It takes a really shy guy not to make the first move. If you want him...grab him! ;)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by raincatcher (584 days ago)

What an informative analysis, MHK!

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by souffleQueen (583 days ago)

some ( if not all men) loves them sassy. And it's sexy when done in the right doses.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zionmainframe (575 days ago)

I'm not too sure if women would make the 1st move but they will definitely give you hints.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Scutdog1 (573 days ago)

The woman ALWAYS makes the first move. It's just that they are real subtle about it.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by May_AM (572 days ago)

Seems women making the 1st move is still not quite acceptable by men... That's pretty unfair if true... Why is it that when men do the "chasing", it's perfectly right & fine but when women do that, people consider it out of norm???

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by 788 (572 days ago)

Women making the 1st move is still not quite acceptable by men who are Old fashioned and not quite progressive. Who wants them?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Electrode (571 days ago)

The problem with women making the first move is that we guys aren't good at fobbing-off the ones we're not interested in.
And usually, the only ones that make moves are the ones we don't want anyway.
So all in all, it's better if women don't make moves.
Sorry shy guys, you're just gonna have to get over your handicap.
btw, I'm speaking as a shy guy, but even I'm not desperate enough to go for the girls that approach me. (the hot ex-co-worker excluded)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Urang4me (570 days ago)

All men are flattered when a woman makes the first move; however, just as some have posted, you have to understand the situation and act accordingly. You can be quite sure that even if a man does not make a move right away, there will be hints of his interest. If you can pick up on these hints and want to initiate...fantastic! Just trust your instincts.

Keep in mind though that men understand that some women, in a more traditional sense, want to be pursued, so persistance will sometimes pay off for them. It doesn't quite work the other way around. If a woman initiates and there is no immediate validation from the man...he's not interested.

Having said all of this...you'll never know unless you try.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by raincatcher (570 days ago)

Yeah! Electrode has finally spoken! Why then are you not good at "fobbing off onew that (you're) not interested in"? Quite easy, isn't it?

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by 788 (570 days ago)

May AM, Seems you liked someone who would could not appreciate your making the 1st move and thats why you feel its unfair, is it?

Some guys are comfortable with the opposite sex making the 1st move, some still have old (boring too I think) rules of engagement persist. Have to try and figure out who is who and whom you are really interested in; and in case things do move beyond dating, which of the attitudes you prefer.

I couldn't be bothered with the ones who balked at the idea of women taking initiative and control. I would feel relief if I found out in the 1st round of dating because my time had not been wasted. My then future husband had enough goodlooking, charming prospects around him and he is NOT shy. But he happily accepted when I suggested no commitments relationship and 3 months later I proposed marriage!

He is an amazing fella and we have been married over 7 years. By the way, I am not an out there feminist either. I have been following him around to different cities, however reluctantly. So what if it is out of the norm? At the end of the day all that matters is whether both the sides can make each other happy.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Electrode (570 days ago)

Raincatcher, I'm not good at fobbing off because I just can't bear to hurt their feelings by rejecting them.
Lots of men have this problem too.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by 788 (570 days ago)

Electrode, do you feel better when they reject you instead?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by raincatcher (570 days ago)

Electrode, or is it because deep down men DO enjoy having many women around constantly "entertaining" them?

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Straw_berry (570 days ago)

Electrode sounds like a man with a BIG ego... BRAVO!!! Not meaning to be impolite here but perhaps Electrode doesn't have women making the 1st moves towards him... or he really has many such experiences which made him wrote what he wrote???

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by Electrode (569 days ago)

788, at the risk of confirming Straw berry's assertation, I can't recall a time when I was rejected approaching a woman, except when I was rat-arsed, which is understandable as I understand that women can't stand being approached by drunken men.
Raincatcher, of course men enjoy women approaching them, but as I stated before, it's usually those that we're not interested in.
The real lookers are either inundated or they'e just too insecure to make the move. Sod's Law I suppose.
Straw berrry, I no longer have women making moves on me, simply because I wear my Clark Kent glasses to mask my animal sexual-appeal and model good-looks; and I do have many such experiences.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by 788 (569 days ago)

Electrode... you are hilarious!! Hardly shy! Oh your sexual appeal.... it has hardly coming across in these posts but after this one... I'll believe whatever you say.

On the other hand, you are very shy. Your post suggests that probably you don't have many friends who are men. Otherwise you might not have made such a sweeping generalization about your own sex. Men who appreciate women making 1st moves get snapped up 'cos they are so open minded and the others get left behind.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Electrode (568 days ago)

You're right 788, I am shy, and I don't have many male friends, they seem to think of me as competition.
Perhaps it's just me that gets approached by the ones I'm not interested in, or perhaps my standards are too high and I won't settle for less, unlike many, who go by the "any port in a storm" philosophy.

What do you base your assuptions on that:

"Men who appreciate women making 1st moves get snapped up 'cos they are so open minded and the others get left behind."?

Are you saying that men who don't appreciate women making the first move get left on the shelf? Sounds incredible.

So by your reasoning, any man not open to female approach will be doomed to a lesser woman or the life of Sir Isaac Newton?

It would also be fair to say that men who take whatever is offered get snapped up because they are so desperate and the discerning get the lookers.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by 788 (563 days ago)

> Electrode- you are not desperate at all(i am snickering all the way)... and with your attitude probably you will fit right up with a "discerning" looker. Since thats what you want and need- more power to you!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by raincatcher (562 days ago)

Electrode is soooooooooo adorable that I'm considering taking out the "no overweight man" rule on my "Dos and Donts" list for dating.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Electrode (561 days ago)

Don't do it raincatcher, what incentive will these guys have to get in shape?
High blood pressure, heart disease and diabetes are all distant mirages.
But female companionship, or lack of it, is in the here and now!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by raincatcher (561 days ago)

You are so cute!

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by unsure (560 days ago)

hi,

i need opinion here. i have lately met someone i really like and as someone mentioned here, as a woman, i have never make the 1st move. (not because i am arrogant but because i just do not know how...and usually those make the 1st move are not the ones i want... :x ). anyway, we went out once and it went well and we both enjoyed the evening and that was a week ago. may i know what's next? should i wait for his next move or is he waiting for mine?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by maxis (560 days ago)

Unsure,

Give him an indication that you are intersted, if you are.

Guys sometimes try several women at once and see which ones like them so they know which ones to bother putting the time of day into, and to expedite the girlfriend acquisition process.

The "move" can be subtle, let him know, or he may think you are just another who have plaved themselves on the highest shelf - guys don't really dig that always, contrary to some people's opinion. And there are plenty of more women about in HK, so it is not very efficient to invest time in a girl if she doesn't make it clear she is keen - but in moderation girl, not too strong or he'll move on (and perhaps use you on the way), bit of intrigue is a wonderful aphrodesiac

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by raincatcher (560 days ago)

"use you on the way"? Care to explain?

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Xandra (560 days ago)

I think maxis means the guy will "use" the knowledge that you like him to bed you, knowing you are highly likely to say yes. He might do so by giving you "hope" that you guys are going to be an item. After getting what he wants, POOF, he's off
Unsure, read some of the really good responses I got for my earlier thread on "Men and Dissapering Act". I had somewhat the same situation and reservations, but took the advice and it was pretty good.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by unsure (560 days ago)

hi,

maxis > thanks for the advise. it has never crossed my mind the idea about "trying a few people at the same time and see who gets interested". i always thought you only try with someone you feel right about. oh well, maybe i am just an idealist. anyway, will try sms him later to see if he wants to do something tomorrow since it s a holiday.

Xandra > read that thread and can totally understand how you feel. to be honest, i am usually the disappearig one especially if you keep hinting to the person you are not interested, they just dont get it.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by raincatcher (560 days ago)

Xandra, isn't every guy like that? At least I think so. So it doesn't reallly matter how women react.

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by raincatcher (560 days ago)

And in that case then a casual sexual relationship would be more than enough. No emotion (ie no string) involved! Problem solved!

(I am based in Unspecified)

Posted by Xandra (560 days ago)

Unsure, glad you read the thread. Well I have experienced both, as the one to dissappear and the one dissapeared on. I do try to be honest and explain to that peron and not just dissapear nowadays, except in very seriously persistent cases. LOL!

Raincatcher, unfortunately you are right, a huge majority are like that, especially foreign guys. So we girls have to wisen up and suss-out the "users" who are only after some Booty and give the the Boot instead. HA!HA! Unless of course, the gal wanted a sexual rendezvous as well. In my thread, I did mention that I slept with him. In that case, with only very minimal strings attached (I do have some sort of liking for him) it seems ok. But its really a one-time rendezvous only, as I don't want to turn into his booty call. :-)

Well Unsure, do tell us what happens ok???

(I am based in Singapore)